My Little World

Alright so today is Wednesday. The last day of school is Friday... and until then we are doing NOTHING!!! I have been sitting here since 7:45 trying to keep myself busy. This has included a lot of time staring at the activities that I'm supposed to be planning for this summer and organizing the information way more than it needs to be. I feel useful when things are organized. Almost like the job isn't done until it is perfect. Scary I know, it's the obsessive compulsive side of me. Things really have to be perfect for me in order for me to consider them done. I spent most of Sunday cleaning my room, and Monday after school finishing it. I even started organizing Matthew's room again. Now THAT is a job.

Yesterday I didn't get much done because I went home around noon sick. I spent the rest of the day being lazy. It was nice except for the sick to my stomach thing. Today is a little better, my head is still really hurting. All the kids are doing is playing on the computer all day. Do we even REALLY need to be here? i think not. I can't say that though because John is here. He's giving me crap about getting sick yesterday. But I've worked here since November and yesterday is the only day I've left sick or even missed a day of work. But everytime I feel sick John asks if I'm pregnant. How annoying is that? Not that it's any of his business but my meds sometimes make me get sick still.

What is there left to say? Nothing is going on in my life. I don't really do anything anymore. Go to work and come home and lay down. These headaches are really getting on my nerves. I'll be glad when they go away for good and I won't have to go to bed with my head still throbbing from the day.

Current Location: Work
Current Mood: irritated
Current Music: I wish I had some

Yea, the good feelings I've had this week were just too good. I knew they couldn't last forever. So yea, Matt called me last night and told me he wasn't allowed to date me, or see me. It is against his parol since I am a teacher and associate with minors. He told me that we could still be friends. Today he says that it is just too hard to stay friends and that it isn't worth it. Great the guy goes from telling me how much he wants me to I'm not worth it. Yea so I'm depressed. He promised me that he wouldn't hurt me, but I don't know why I believed him. I want to go out and try to take my mind off of this but I randomly start to cry and I don't think I would be much fun to hang around. Mom thinks that the weather is what is making me upset. I think I'll let her believe what she wants.

Current Mood: pissed off

Alright I know if anyone reads this they are sick of me complaining about work, because I know I'm sick of complaining about work. Mid-quarter was today, that means I had the joy of spending my time adding and dividing grades. Grades seem to be getting better... well for most of them. Maybe I am making a difference after all. Or maybe not; I had another argument with She'aun. David thinks I let him get to me too much. Oh well I keep looking for other job opertunities. If anyone knows any ya'll need to let me in on it because I'm not finding much.

Alrighty enough of that. Ohh did I tell ya'll that Matt came home? Well if I didn't, he is and I couldn't be happier. Things almost didn't because I am an idiot and have scared myself into a corner. We talked it over in about twenty minutes today, and we really do want to work on things, but the distance is such a problem. I'm hoping that it won't be for very long.

Uhm... what else. Oh I got to spend my Friday night with my mom and brother. We went out to eat, and then to the park (I sat in the car half the time), and then we were going to go to the mall but Matthew threw a big fit and starting crying and so we had to go home. Anyways I spent the next two hours laying on my bed (yes again) until I had to go pick Josha up from work (yes again.) And now I am bored again and must go off in search of entertainment.

Current Mood: bored

Alright so I don't really feel like working on anything. Well really I can't concentrate on anything. I'm in the library at MACC and I'm the only one here... should I be scared? Blah anyways here are some results from some stupid quizes I took.

I am 55% Idiot.

I am an idoit. Not as much as most. There are even people out there that annoy the hell out of me. What was I talking about?

Take the
Idiot Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 49% Internet Addict.

I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck!

Take the
Internet Addict Test
@ FualiDotCom

Current Mood: bored

Alright so this weekend has royally sucked! I spent yesterday cleaning allllllll day. Why? Because I was pissed off. Lynn is going off on me, telling me I am selfish and don't treat others with respect even though I think I deserve everyone elses. I wrote her back saying that wasn't the case, and she wrote me another e-mail today telling me the same thing...plus more. Then I check Kat's diary, because it is my habit, although I'm trying to break it. And Matt left her a note saying that he still can't believe that even though she is six months pregnant she still weighs less than I do the last time he saw me. Why does anyone need to be that hateful? I am just not understanding. Anyways it's five now, and I feel like just going for a ride but I have no money. Really I just want to go away for a vacation til I calm down.

Okay so since I don't believe anyone is reading this I can keep babbling on like an idiot. This week is getting to be really sucky. Thank God tomorrow is Friday because I really don't know if I could handle much more of work. She'aun was a butthead all day again today. He insists that because his eyes hurt the light in the classroom needs to be off. I say it needs to be on because I can't see very well when the light is off. Being as the entire world revolves around him it stayed off and I went into the office to work and to calm down. He was trying everyone's patience again today. It's like he is daring someone to say something to him, daring someone to touch him so he can go off and press charges. Everyone is getting really sick of it, including the other kids. The only time he kept quiet today was when they were in bible. David brought in a movie for them to watch and even when they had the choice to finish it or have their free time (today was nice so I went outside with them for a little while) he stayed put and finished watching the movie. Another day of not doing any schoolwork. I am waiting for John to confront me about it, I would tell him but he never sits still long enough for me to really say much of anything to him. He always looks so...unwelcoming.

In other news, life sucks. No one in my family is making any sort of effort to be kind to me. I can go the entire day without talking to anyone if I wanted to. It's really depressing knowing that I live in the same house as six other individuals and I can't seem to get anyone to talk to. The money situation is crappy again. Spring Break caused me to lose a week of pay and John just realized this today. Gee it was soooo nice of him to notice. Anyways in the middle of next week is when my last tuition payment is due, and I'm not going to have the money to make the payment thanks to only getting half my normal paycheck. So yea that's special. If I have no money then I don't know how I'm going to pay the rest of my bills either. Thus, life sucks!

Okay I'm tired of typing and I really have nothing to say so I'm outta here.

Current Mood: crappy

Wow today is already Wednesday. It seems this week has gone by rather quickly. It is a change for me to have a good week and I am really enjoying it. Monday, the first day back at work after Spring Break really surprised me. The kids were actually good, they listened, they didn't try to kill each other, and they even cleaned up after themselves. Tuesday was a decent day as well. While She'aun seemed to get a little of his attitude back for the most part it was more of the same, and it was probably the best trip we have taken to the library. It was great to have a break from the arguing. Today I wish I could say the same for. She'aun seems to have found his grove again and was telling everyone to "shut-up". It was his way or it was no way. In fact I believe all he did today was look at his magazines and play basketball. Yea try to tell me it's MY fault that these kids get bad grades.

Ohhh... Tuesday I got to talk to Brian. I can't believe we talked for an entire hour. He is soo funny but really shy; so now I am determined to get him out of his "box" as we have started calling it. His box consists of his 13by13 foot room. I talked to him for a little while today but he wasn't in such a good mood and I wasn't either so we didn't talk but maybe 25 minutes.

The count-down has started. In nine days my boyfriend will be out of jail!!!!! Isn't that happy news??? Well it is for me even if it isn't for you. I have started writing him what I am calling a monster letter. I am sending him a package consisting of this letter and a phone card next Thursday. I am going to over-night it so he can get it the day he comes home. So from now til next Thursday I am going to work on writing him the longest letter I have ever sent him. It should be fun because as soon as he gets home there will be no one screening his mail.

Alright so I'm actually in class and supposed to be doing research. Hey it's not my fault I've already found three resources and that I will have them in my hands by Friday (the paper isn't due for two weeks yet.) Anyhow I had better go because the teacher is at the computer to my right.

Current Mood: annoyed

Alrighty so I am trying a different site. It makes me sad that I have to do this because I have been writing in opendiary since I was fourteen. However my ex-fiancee and my ex-friend both have diaries there and I don't want them seeing what I write anymore. It's none of their business anyways. So yea... I just thought I'd create this and now I have to go get ready for the drive to Moberly tonight. I should probably finish up some homework before I go as well.

Current Mood: curious